random

The words itched on my tongue, I wanted to spit them out in his face. I felt power begin to grow naturally making its way down to my hands. I fought the urge to release it, despite the rage that boiled inside me, he deserves it my body screamed, it was right but i couldn't. i had made a promise one that i would keep. Swallowing my pride and rage I turned away from him and ran into the woods running as far as my legs would carry me, the power inside me twisted and grew fueling itself on my rage and shame that now was inside me. I needed to get as far away as possible before i released it. There was to much energy to snuff out. I pushed farther into the woods, keep going i told myself. I stopped running after i came to a clear meadow. The power was almost unbearable now and i grunted falling to my knees wrapping my arms around my waist. as I tried to focus the energy into a command, i was about to make one when I heard a voice behind me " Angel?" I turned around to see Jasper standing there. Crap. This wasn't good. He must have read the pain in my expression because he began approaching me. " Stay back!" I warned through gritted teeth. I looked around desperately where could the energy go? " Angel, let me help you," His voice was calm now like trying to get a small child to listen to him. That did it I was so sick of being treated like that.  " I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" And then i couldn't contain it. The power escaped me in what felt like a sonic boom. I fell to my hands, gasping. My limbs ached all screaming in pain. I looked up through blurry eyes to see the ground had split between me and Jasper. it ran deep wide, making passing it impossible for several miles.Jasper seemed to be okay except for the shock in his eyes " I, I'm sorry." I gasped out. my words seemed to bring him out of his shocked state. " Are you alright?" he called walking as close to the crack as he dared. I wanted to say yes but was to tired ti make my lips form the words.. Jasper was safe, i hadn't hurt him that was enough for me. Ignoring the situation around me i gently fell to the ground and despite Jasper's frantic calling i sunk deep into unconsciousness.

beginning

Voices. They're everywhere screaming over one another in my head. I stumble through the dying grass of the forest gripping my head as the voices swim in my head shouting, whispering screaming they talk over each other making it impossible to understand any of them. I fall to my knees as images begin flashing in my mind filling my vision. I don't understand any of them, don't know any of them. they flicker and dance in front of me taunting me. I scream as it becomes to much and my skull fills like it will burst if the voices don't stop. i grab my hands, " stop, stop, stop!" I feel the words escape my lips but the sound is lost in the other voices drowning it out. The pain grows and i feel myself about to burst when a huge wave of ringing fills my ears, drowning out the voices, the images with its glaring sound. Then its over. The ringings gone and so are the voices. I open my eyes and collapse face first on the ground my breath coming out in short gasps, sweat drips down my face as I gulp for air. I'm hot, my entire body feeling like a furnace. I feel hands on my back, i have no idea who they belong to and even as alarm bells go off in my mind I'm powerless to stop them. Besides the hands are cool, and there iciness goes through my shirt cooling down my overheated body. Finally fighting the overwhelming exhaustion that threatened to drag me out of this world I shift sightly so that I'm now facing the being that the hands belong to. Its a man something tells me hes 17 although I don't know what. His hands are at his sides glowing slightly blue, I look back up at his face, see his chocolate covered skin and feel a nagging at my brain, like an itch i can't scratch as I look at his dark eyes the itch becomes stronger. I know this person I know i do, so why couldn't remember him? looking at him I realize his lips are moving but no sound reaches my ears and i realize that i still cant hear anything. I put my hands to my ear as if it will somehow magically decide to start hearing again, and encounter something sticky. Sticky and wet. With a growing nausea I pull my hand down and see that it covered in blood.  Its to much, I'm overwhelmed by everything and feel exhaustion finally winning and as it pulls me out of consciousness I don't fight it. I just let it pull me in the dark where things made better sense

Japense massicure

 ( letter from soldier after participating in slaughtering Japanese civilians)

I see them, when I sleep. There faces swim behind my eyelids, the worst is the mothers. They're fragile arms stretched out behind them, trying to shelter there children from the monster that will take away there entire world, me. They were always so determined, there eyes burning with it. The first couple of times i thought they could do it, that somehow sacrificing themselves for there children would be enough to save the kids,  but there body's always fall, just like the rest. Collapsing to the floor in a useless heap of flesh, you can see there souls leaving, just looking at there eyes. I watch as there eyes lose that fierce motherly instinct that drove them for so long. replaced by an unfocused uncaring glaze. The worst part is the kids. Looking down at there mother, tears streaming  down there faces as they're horror struck gaze fixated on me. And I know I've become the monster as i fill there mouths with a round of bullets. They fall, just like there mother. The only thing proving they ever existed is there faces that I know will haunt me to the grave. It doesn't matter how many of those people i killed that day. It never changes, feeling my entire being grow cold and my stomach twisting in seeming-less endless knots. I was just following orders. That sentence followed all of us soldiers that day, it was mumbled under there breaths as if that one phrase could undo our acts. I always dreamed of entering the army. Of fighting for my country, of being a war hero. I imagined taking down the "bad guys".  I can't help wondering if our side is the right side anymore, I thought we stood for freedom, liberty, justice. But as I looked at the dead corpses around me I can't find anything patriotic, or just about it. Innocent people, I slaughtered them. I may have been following my orders but I cant help but think that the price of serving my country that day was condemning my soul to hell.